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Submitted on
July 26, 2011
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Disillusioned thoughts and dreams,
Do become all that's left to see.
Broken hearts full of gold,
Were merely toys left or sold.

In these homes that have been left alone,
They see that they were merely owned.
Their homes that stand no more,
Are replaced with simply many doors.

The children do hear of thoughts and dreams
That will never be their's to keep,
For on those days that were taken away,
The children learned of thieves,
Who stole their innocents away.

Now left in darkness they do wait,
For that one who will take them away.
Away from the pain and forgotten sorrow,
Into the world that is tomorrow.


-  M.D.Wyatt
~The newest poem for my Poetry book~

Please comment and critique this piece for me please!~ <3
I am wondering if anyone understands what emotion/ events i am pulling off of. :3
<3
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:iconkillingspiders:
killingspiders Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Not gonna lie, when I clicked on this I was not even expecting something with THIS MUCH quality. Like, seriously, blew me away.
I have two qualms. Firstly, the title feels as though it should read "Innocence" rather than "Innocents", unless you're referring to innocent as in innocent people in the plural. In that case you're spot on. Also the word "their's" should just be "theirs".
Other than that, this poem is goddamn perfect. I love the slant rhymes, especially. Always liked it better than direct rhymes.
:iconclappingplz::iconclappingplz::iconclappingplz:
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:iconkiet62450:
kiet62450 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Again I thank you it means a lot to me to have critics who not only appreciate my work but give input on corrections or possibilities of change.  Thanks again. :)
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:iconjdalton704:
jdalton704 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
I absolutely LOVE this, Michael!!! Bravo!!!!
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:iconjdalton704:
jdalton704 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011
Your subject matter and just how you express it is brilliasnt for a young man. They are emotive, wonderfully descriptive and I am impressed with how the idea remains subliminal why'll capturingh the emotion. I'm now envious and impressed onan increasinglt larger scale. DO NOT STOP!!!!
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:iconkiet62450:
kiet62450 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
LOl Ok Iwill continue as I come up with the ideas of life and unpridictablity. ^^
i enjoy that I have at least one fan <3
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:iconjdalton704:
jdalton704 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2011
You have, once again made me smile my friend!!!! ;)
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:iconkiet62450:
kiet62450 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
<3333 :3
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:iconjdalton704:
jdalton704 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011
Dreams without action become just that dreams. Acknowledge the desire. Make conscience that which is subconcious. Suppressed desires given the light of day become actionable. Their homes that stand no more, replaced with simply many doors is the begining of acknowledging the choice to give them life. Taking away from the pain and sorrow, take then into a realm, a world that is ours of making. Long for. Acknowledge. Give Action. Experience them.
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:iconkiet62450:
kiet62450 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
<33333
Wow this was an ah-mazing critique.
I think It almost sounds like another poem LMAO
<3333
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:iconjdalton704:
jdalton704 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011
Waking up to a world, that somebody else owns!!
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